What’s that Gloria Estafan? You want me to come party in Miami with you? Come on baby something, something Conga! Done! Will Smith is coming too.
FOOLED! I went to Miami for work. I got the opportunity to go manage the project of a few of the most brilliant minds in our company writing the second edition of the book “Meaning, Inc” (first edition written by our CEO and company several years ago) and the offisite was held in…Miami. They, of course, were fabulous; and it was a pleasure to be around such distinguished intellect.
Miami, however…was not a pleasure. There were only four redeeming qualities: the Palms Hotel, the beach, dinner at The Forge, and the VIP area at a club called Liv. I will now discuss those adventures in said order.
1. The Palms Hotel
In case you don’t know this, I am a hotel junkie. I LOVE hotels. It is so much fun to stay somewhere that isn’t yours. You turn on the TV to the cable that you don’t get to have and leave it on, and make sure the room is never more then 68 degrees. Put that robe on and you are SET. The Palms did not disappoint. It was beautiful. Despite a sketchy looking vehicle reception area-the rest was grand.
The view from the room
The grounds

Of course, they HAD to have a wedding there and as a typical girl-I wanted to see all the stuff. It looked beautiful. What was creepy was the girl’s name was Marissa. I thought it would be some pre-wedding humor if I ran up and said “I’m ready! Here I am!” But I was outvoted.

They had these beautiful parrots that tried to bite or accost you any time you came within 3 feet of their enclosure and squawked all day long. The first picture is Dusten (a friend that went with me on the trip. Yes, FRIEND. We thought about getting married but decided against it.) punishing the pigeons that tried to pass themselves off as the parrots. Didn’t work pigeons!!

We had a fun dinner one night in their restaurant that I deemed “Prom Night” only because we were by FAR the youngest people in there and it felt just like when you were pretending to be adults when you went to Prom dinner. As friends.
2. The Beach
Ok yes, the beach was amazing. As is my sunburn. I look like Michael Jackson right now with the different colors of my face. But skin cancer, whatever, it was still glorious.

Down the beach, they have a road called…Ocean Blvd (original, right?) but it’s where all of the restaurants are. We found a place called Wet Willies where they serve frozen margarita’s-but like 70 kinds. Think I’m kidding?

It quickly went from “I don’t think these are very strong…” to “WE SHOULD SWIM IN THE OCEAN RIGHT NOW!! I don’t care if it’s 9pm!” I had this banana chocolate concoction and another one. Gloriousness. Until I got my ass kicked by the sugar. Hello 3am sweating nightmare, welcome to my room.
3. Dinner at Forge
Thursday night we went to a celebratory dinner at a place called Forge. Now, sight unseen, I chose this place and hoped it was awesome. Esquire noted it as one of their top 5 places to go. It did not disappoint at all.
I love getting dressed up to go!

(Yes, still just friends.)

I loved how at the head of each table they had a “Mad Hatter” looking chair. Even though my instinct was to dive into the chair, adjust my tiara, and never leave…I figured if my CEO didn’t go for the chair, it wasn’t appropriate that I assume the head of the table. I sat next to it and looked at it longingly all night.

I saw a drink called “Smoke and Fire” and I had to have it. True to it’s name-it had a real smoky flavor. Something with Tequila and egg whites. Yup. And then had some fish called Wahu? I don’t know, it was awesome of course.
But who cares about that? Umm…DESSERTS.

S’more cake something, caramel apple sunday, and a little carrot cake with…wait for it…carrot caviar!! It was devine.
Oh, and the bathrooms. I do love a fancy bathroom. I tried to move in there.

4. Club Liv
Holy clubbing Batman! This place is crazy. In the hotel FountainBleu, this club is pure insanity. Dusten contacted a club promoter down in South Beach who was able to get us in for free each time we went.
There is nothing more awesome then being walked past the line and escorted in to the club.

That’s what we would have had to wait in! Ok, have you ever gone to a marina or aquarium and they have that place where for a quarter, you can buy little fish food pellets? And all the fish just wait around that place in a teeming, frenzied mass that are fighting to get to the top in hopes of the next pellet? That’s what the line looked like. Sorry fish!
Inside was a whole other world. Supposadly this club is rated #2 in the world (who rates these things??) and it was a pretty awesome site. They cater mostly to bottle service, which perhaps why my round of two drinks in plastic cups cost THIRTY FIVE DOLLARS!!

So, story time. Thursday night, we are there. I am feeling tired and kind of “un-happy camper-ish” so I go and sit down on the outside of the dancing and VIP area to fix my shoe and be grumpy. I sit down on a riser that backs the VIP area and begin to fuss. A guy slumps across from me and I see myself enter his line of vision. Like a shiny object for a drunk guy. Uh oh. He proceeds to crawl across to get to me, sits ON me versus next to me, finally situates himself, looks at me and says “Qlkfoklsfjksdfkdf aloajhkdkljakljd alkalklpowiuoeri gpojaojadpoihdpa.” Well, that’s how it sounded because I have NO clue what language it was! Then he wraps his arms around me and I am his.
His girlfriend or whatever comes over and apologizes, and then, says those magic little words “Would you like to join us at our table?” Umm…YES. Yes I would!
Enter the VIP area. I see Dusten walk by and grab his arm. Nothing will beat the slow realization of who was grabbing him and from where. It was awesome.

This was my ticket in. All he could say in English was “I LOVE YOU!!” Awesome. Actually might have been an ok relationship!
Yup, dancers. They had dancers. And that’s pretty much how our vision got after a while being there.
So yeah, that was the best parts of Miami. I wouldn’t go back, but…it was good to have seen it. And I better end up with a rockin tan you jerk sun.